~~ LETTER FROM LISA ~~
One of the things that makes the loss of a child so very difficult is the
loss of communication. Even though Lisa was married and no longer living at
home, she was always just a phone call away. We talked often, and I visited
in her home often. I would even run into her occasionally in stores. Like
most mothers and daughters, we had ups and downs in our relationship, but I
never once doubted her love. And, she never doubted mine. Then, all of a
sudden on that fateful day in April, a door slammed in my face; and I was
powerless to open it. In the breath of a moment, my baby was gone. I could
no longer hear her sweet voice, look upon her beautiful face, touch her,
smell the fragrance of her hair. I felt as though a part of my body had been
amputated. I suffered physical as well as emotional pain.
My longing for my child brought me to a place where I could be open to a
different kind of communication. I had dreams of her that were so real I
felt I was really with her. In the beginning, those dreams were my
salvation. I lived for them, and longed for them. I begged God for them. I
prayed that through the portals of time He would give me brief glimpses into
her world. I opened my heart as well as my eyes.
I did not hesitate to seek help for the grief that threatened to swallow me
up. A very sensitive and understanding counselor suggested that Lisa write a
letter to me. I thought this an odd idea, and asked how that could happen.
Patricia told me to get in a quiet place, think about Lisa, and invite her to
come to me. I said, "What would she say?" Patricia gently answered, "Dear
Mom." I thought about it often over the next few weeks. I reflected on the
many loving cards and letters that Lisa had written to me over the course of
her lifetime. I remembered the little typewritten notes on my pillow at
night filled with encouraging scriptures. Lisa had always written letters
and notes to me; perhaps now she wanted to write one more. Perhaps there
were some things she needed to say to me. Somewhere in my subconscious mind,
I became open to this letter and decided I wanted it.
Internet grief support groups eventually became a chief source of comfort. I
made countless friendships with other bereaved parents. One morning, I sat
down at my computer and clicked over to my e-mail. Awaiting me was a musical
greeting card from a group member. The card opened to a beautiful red rose
and the notes of a song wafted towards me. It was "The Rose." The words to
the song appeared on the screen to accompany the heartrending music. How
very lovely it was.
Lisa and I had loved "The Rose" and had cried together through the movie
starring Bette Midler. I had forever after loved this song. And now, when
the song began playing I knew that the time was right for my angel to write
me that letter. What better way for her to reach out to me than through this
poignant song with its story of the tragic death of a beautiful young woman?
While the music played, I quickly gathered some of Lisa's things and placed
her picture in front of me. Then I lit a candle and began writing. Before I
lifted my hand, I had filled five notebook pages.
So, if your precious one has died, and you think you can't go on -- it is to
you that I submit this "Letter from Lisa." May it minister to your aching
I'm with Grandmother Esther. She helped me so much at first. Comforted me. I came over feeling so lost and so alone. But she loved me and taught me the love of Jesus – what it is really all about. I had forgotten, you see, in dealing with the constant struggles of earth. I wanted to go home – to my real home. I was tired of Diabetes, tired of disappointments, tired of all the struggles. I needed to rest, to sit at Jesus' feet and to learn all the things I could not learn on earth. I needed to be surrounded by love, pure love, God's love. And I needed to be with my baby. I have a baby daughter, Mom. Her name is Esther Faye. She is like the angels, Mom. She is like the baby in the seashell in your dream about heaven … pink and fat and blonde and, oh, Mom, she radiates the love of God. She lifts both little arms upward and praises our Lord and Savior. She smiles so sweetly. I hold her tight in my arms and love her with a love that is more precious than love on earth could ever be. I wanted to raise her myself and the Lord is allowing me to do this.
I had a lot of learning to do before I was allowed to be with her. Having never lived on the earth, she knows only pure spiritual love. She knows none of the sorrow of earth. She will never be sick and never die. And, Mom, neither will I … now. And one day very soon you will be with us. You will romp with us in the flowered meadows of Heaven. You will be my mom and my beloved companion for eternity. I know you have suffered terribly for what I did. I ask you, Mom, I beg you, please forgive me and let it go. Give all the pain and misery to Christ and let Him carry it for you. Your little shoulders will never be big enough for such a burden as I've caused you. Please, please forgive me, Mom, and know that I love you now as I've always loved you, with a love and a heart now as pure as spun gold.
I do have Jocko here, Mom, and Spicer and Chrissy. We have so much fun together. They run and play with Grandmother Esther, Esther Faye and me. Sometimes they ask me with their eyes about you, and I tell them soon … soon. I love you, Mom. We all love you. We all want the best for you and what is right for you. We want you to be happy there as well as here. Mom, you bring with you here what you are there. Give of yourself, my darling. Give of yourself till there is no more to give and then give some more. Love is all there is, Mom. It is the only way … the only answer. The love of Christ is in us all. We just have to find it.
I pray for you, Mom, all the time. I pray for your happiness and for you to find and give love … not perfect love … that is only possible where I am. But, the love there on earth can teach you and guide you to Heavenly principles. Forgive all those who have ever hurt you, darling Mother. Not to forgive is not to love God. Carry no grudges, harbor no anger or ill feelings in your heart. The mom I know and love has a heart too big to let those evils stay for very long. Drive them out, Mom; and let in the love. Let the love flow from me to you. Feel my love, dearest Mother. Feel how my heart yearns for you … yearns to hold you in my arms again and kiss you and be with you forever. Let the love flow then from you to all others … to your husband and to your new daughter, my little sister, Melissa. Remember, Mom, when I used to tell you I wanted a little sister. Well, through your union with Melissa's father you have given me one. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for Melissa Ann. Yes, Mom, the answer is yes. You and you alone are meant to be the mother of Melissa. Her own mother was unworthy. Now you have the hard task of guiding her little footsteps on the road to healing. How do you do that? With love, Mom, with the perfect love of Christ. Be guided with love in all that you do for and with her. She will know when your love for her is pure and God-given. And one day, Mom, Melissa will hold you in Heaven and thank you for being a beacon of light to her, a source of love and life. She can only be healed with love.
~ Melissa ~
I am happy now, Mom, with a true happiness I could never have known there. I could only have caused you and others more misery and heartache. To hurt those I loved was unbearable. I only wanted to love you, but those other hateful things kept coming through. Now, I can perfectly love you. Whenever you want to feel my love, just sit quietly with your little stuffed lamb and feel the love of your Little Lamb in Heaven. I will always be with you, Mom. We are never far apart. You have only to ask and I will be there. I will see you through, Mom. Trust in me to do that. I'm strong now. I've learned so much. I can be strong enough for us both. Just lean back, my sweet, and rest in my arms … and rest in Jesus' arms. We will not leave you or forsake you. Your heart and my heart beat as one and forever will. I was one with you in the womb and will always be one with you in spirit. Not only did our bodies mesh in the womb, Mom, but so also did our spirits. That is why a mother cries so when her child "dies." She feels she has lost a part of herself both physically and spiritually. But, Honey, it isn't so. The part of you that was me has simply gone on ahead. I know that isn't considered right in the earthly mind, but in the Heavenly realm, the spirit that comes is always the "right" spirit. God makes no mistakes, Mom. Never forget that.
You have much to look forward to there and to be happy about. Remember the good times we had, Mom. Don't dwell on the bad. You and I had some wonderful times together. Remember how we used to laugh together. So many times, Mom. Remember them and think on them. Don't let negative thoughts consume you. Look at my picture and see my smile and hear my laughter. Close your eyes and you will see and hear me. I am never far away. Holy, Mom, our love is holy. It is God-given for eternity.
Love your husband, Mom, and submit to him as the Christly head of your home. Let him be the ruler of your heart. Let him see the love in you and not the fear or anger. He, too, can be won with love. He is called of God to do great works on earth. He would be surprised to know how great. He will give hope where there is no hope, love where there is no love. He will be a great warrior for God. But, now his tender, hurting spirit must be nourished with love, your love and God's love. He is on a painful journey and he has far to go and much to learn. But, learn he will, through God's good graces. He will soften in time and be the husband you want him to be. He loves you dearly and will always love and protect you. Don't blow it, Mom! Stay with him! Love him for both his faults and his goodness. Appreciate his good qualities. Be a good wife for him … meet his earthly needs and his spiritual needs. You will be a winning team there as well as here. God has much work for you and Rob, both on earth and in Heaven.
~ Faye & Rob ~
I gotta go now, lovely Mother. We can do this again when the time is right for us both. Rest in my love, precious one, and in God's love. I love you all the world and everything in it.
Your daughter forever,
Lisa, "God's Little Lamb"
MOM, PLEASE UNDERSTAND
Last night while I was trying to sleep,
My child’s voice I did hear.
I opened my eyes and looked around,
But she did not appear.
She said, “Mom, you’ve got to listen,”
You’ve got to understand.
God didn’t take me from you, Mom,
He only took my hand.
When I called out in pain that night,
The instant that I died,
He reached down and took my hand,
And pulled me to His side.
He pulled me up and saved me
From the misery and pain
My body was hurt so badly inside.
I could never be the same.
My search is really over now,
I’ve found happiness within.
All the answers to my empty dreams
And all that might have been.
I love you so and miss you so,
And I’ll always be nearby.
My body’s gone forever,
But my spirit will never die!
And so, you must go on now,
Live one day at a time.
God did not take me from you,
He only took my hand.
Author Unknown ~
Click to read Lisa's Guestbook
~ Home ~
~ Do Airplanes Fly to Heaven? ~
~ Lisa's Story ~
~ The "S" Word (Suicide) ~
~ Lisa's Wedding ~
~ Words of Love From Lisa's Family ~
~ Photos ~
~ Lisa's Friends Remember ~
~ A Love Denied ~
~ Remember Me ~
~ A Lamb's Last Message ~
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Midi playing, "The Rose."